Seriously...

I had a life-altering breakthrough today. No, I didn’t finally start going to therapy….geez, thanks for thinking that…. No, my breakthrough came while I was interviewing author, motivational speaker, and all-around good guy, Brian Hicks for the Success Is Voluntary podcast. Brian was on FIRE during our interview. Brian speaks faster than I can listen, and he was especially cranking today. Right in the middle of the interview, he said, (talking about his struggles during the process of getting his book The Tinderbox Tapes published) “It’s been good for my boys to watch me not waiting to get picked.” I was stunned…. How often do most people wait around to get picked? That question has been rattling around in my brain for several hours now, and I don’t think it’s coming out anytime soon. I personally have zero desire to wait around and I finally understand why. For you to fully understand why I’m going to have to be incredibly vulnerable with you. If you find it uncomfortable to watch a grown man bare his soul, I would suggest you stop reading now. I promise to be back to my normal cocky self on Monday.

You still there? O.K. Let’s join Mr. Peabody and Sherman in the Wayback Machine. It is set for the early 1970s as a young Tim Martin is struggling to find where he fits in………….

Much to my chagrin, I’m not very athletic. I’d like to tell you that I’ve accepted it and I’m fine with it, but that would be a lie. I have always envied the person that makes hitting a baseball or crushing a 300-yard drive down the middle of the fairway look effortless. As kids, my brother and I used to play sandlot football with a group of boys from our neighborhood. There was one kid we played with, Michael Belser, that could literally juke me out of my shoes. Every time he had the ball and I tried to tackle him, he would make two quick cuts and I would be grasping at his shadow as he sprinted by me. I follow Michael on Facebook and not surprisingly he is still a very competitive mountain biker and marathon runner. Me? Let’s just say that my wife keeps threatening to cancel my gym membership.

I grew up in Lander Wyoming. Lander is the type of small town that is romanticized about in American film and fiction. It’s the type of town that half the city attends the Friday night football games, wearing their King Ropes baseball hats and cowboy boots. Only in towns like Lander would the County Sheriff pull over a couple of high school kids with a cooler full of beer, then make them pour it out instead of arresting them. (Since the statute of limitations has long since run out, I’ll admit that this happened to me. Don’t tell my dad!) No kidding, I used to take my shotgun with me to school. It was left hanging all day in the gun-rack of my Dad’s Chevy Blazer so that my buddies and I could go duck hunting after school. I got my hair cut in a barbershop that every self-respecting man in town went to. I’m surprised Andy, Barney, and Opie didn’t ever stop by.

There are many days I miss the pace of life and the simplicity of growing up in Lander. But here’s the deal: Time had allowed me to forget the scars of that same small town, until today. Like many people, I often romanticize the past and forget about the pain. See, I’m not the only one who knows I’m not very athletic. Everyone I went to school with knows I wasn’t athletic. In Lander, like many small towns, there weren’t a lot of ways for young men and women to really shine outside of athletics. And every single time sides were picked, I was picked last. Not sometimes. Not most times. EVERY! SINGLE! TIME! At least that’s the way I remember it…..

Ridiculously, my realization that I wasn’t going to shine athletically was something I tried hard to deny. I participated in every sport imaginable, from Little League to American Legion baseball, football, wrestling, swimming, track, skiing, etc. With each new sport, I went in thinking that if I tried really hard, maybe I could break through and be the star of the team.  By the time I got to high school, it was painfully obvious that I wasn’t going to make the varsity football team. So instead I played Tuba in the marching band. One of my best friends from college teaches band here in Phoenix. His band is well respected and huge, boasting almost 300 kids. I envy the kids in his program as they have the respect of the community and their classmates. My high school band had 23 students and we were seen as outcasts.

I’m not telling you all this to make you feel sorry for me. Nor am I bitter about my experiences. In fact, Brian’s simple message of not waiting to get picked helped me to be thankful for the lessons I’ve learned by being picked last.  It also gave me a better insight into why I am off the charts competitive on every personality assessment I have ever taken.

I recently attended a leadership workshop with some of my peers from around the country. All of the participants had been administered a 360-degree survey that rated many personality attributes including competitiveness. The consultant/facilitator had us line up across the room, based upon where we scored vs. other American executives in their database. The idea was to visually demonstrate that even though we all had different personality strengths, we were each successful. When we got to competitiveness, I scored in the 99^th percentile, so I had to stand with my arm touching the wall. Scoring in the 99^th percentile means that out of 100 American executives, 99 of them are less competitive than I am. (Doesn’t that make me the winner?!?!?!)  When I mentioned that to the facilitator, she said, “Just because you are higher in competitiveness than the rest of the group, doesn’t make you better than them.” To which I replied, “Said the losers!!!” My appointment with HR is next week…..sigh….

Why is this important to you? If you are the kind of person that is going to sit around and wait for good things to happen, I hope you packed a lunch. You are in for a LONG wait. No one is going to drag you to success. You have to go do the work, even if you don’t have a clue how. You still need to try. See, even though I am not very athletic, that didn’t keep me from trying.  You might call it delusional. I call it perseverance. My dad told me every time, before I went out for a sport, that he would support me 100%. He also told me he didn’t care if I made the team or not, he would still love me just the same. The only rule was: Once I started, I couldn’t quit.

When I got into commission sales, I kept the exact same philosophy. No matter what, I wasn’t going to quit. I have had incredible victories and crushing defeats during the last 16 years. But not one time have I ever seriously wavered in my belief that I was going to ultimately win. The opportunity that you have right now in the Voluntary Benefits arena gives me goosebumps. See, if some geeky kid from Lander Wyoming can do it, you can be a SUPERSTAR! Just do me a favor, don’t juke me out of my shoes when you go flying by!

Conclusion: Very seldom do we learn anything by winning. Most lessons require humble introspection following defeat.

Question: Can you be successful in sales without being competitive? Let’s talk about it below!